It's been a shitty week...the holiday's are always draining. Fun...but draining. This year we got the "draining" without so much of the "fun".
Sadly, I lost my ex-mother-in-law. Now, many women don't get along with their mothers-in-law...nevermind their EXes. We were different. I loved this woman. So much.
I met my ex when I was 15. I grew up with his family. When I had some serious issues with my own mother growing up, HIS mom was a mother to me, she took me in to her house. His sister, Ashlee, was a year and half old when I met "him". I changed her diapers. She IS my sister. His father was the only father figure I had growing up...I've been divorced for 10 yrs and still call my ex-father-in-law "Dad".
She was diagnosed with Cancer on December 10th. I spoke to her the day before and she asked me what I was up to that night...I laughed and told her..."oh, you know, just going home to catch Vampire Diaries"...she laughed her face off at me and told me she'd try to take a look to see what the draw was for me. Then she told me that she had to go for a CT scan the next day...she hadn't been feeling well and x-rays showed "white fluffy stuff" in her lungs. She was hoping it was just pneumonia. I had a bad feeling :(
She found out on Friday that it was Lung & Liver Cancer. They sent her home, asking her to come back to the hospital on Monday. On Monday, she was admitted after finding out that the Cancer was also in her bones and "all through her back".
On December 22nd the hospital was making plans to send her home for Christmas Eve & Christmas Day. When I visited on the 22nd with Ashlee..."Mom" turned to me secretly and said, "Erin, I don't think I can do this...it's too much, I know everybody wants me home but I don't think I can...". When we visited she would often turn her head to me and whisper little things about how she was REALLY feeling. She didn't want Ashlee or Dad worrying any more than they already were.
She passed on December 23rd. 13 days after diagnosis. My kids didn't get to see her. She was scared to let them see her in the hospital hooked up to machines.
My 10 yr old "gets it" but not fully...he just chalks it all up to "Well, of course she died of Cancer...duh, she smoked." And that's where he's left it. My 14 yr old is devastated..."Noni" was a goddess to him...we never like to say that one kid is a favourite over another...but the 14 yr old knows he was Noni's.
If nothing else...I'm happy that she won't have to suffer like so many other Cancer patients.
I know she was in more pain than she let on but we still had her laughing like crazy the night before she passed 'cuz that's what Ashlee & I did...made complete asses of ourselves just to make her pee her pants (sometimes literally) laughing for 23 years now. She hadn't had an appetite for a few days but asked me to make "Chewies" for her...chocolate/coconut/oatsy goodness. So she had a couple of those on her last night and she asked me to do a "fishbone" braid in her hair just before we left the hospital. It's a little thing but I love that I got to do a couple of things for her that had always been "me & her" things.
Toni/Noni/Mom...you will be missed you stupid jerk asshole baby bitch fat bastard. (Yes, clearly that's an inside joke!)
No comments:
Post a Comment